אכן, זה היה נשמע חסר סיכוי- האם נצליח לרכז את הבנות? האם יהיה שיתוף פעולה מצידן?

הופתענו לראות את המוטיבציה הרבה ולהיווכח שדוקא הלימוד בתוך המרחב הביתי עוזר להן לריכוז, מפחית להן את רעשי הרחוב והחברה. משאיר אותן קשובות, מלאות מרץ ונכונות.

מה גם שבעקבות המצב מבחני הבגרות אמורים להיות קלים יותר- ונתון זה לבדו מעודד אותן להשקיע. כמו כן השיעורים מתפצלים לשעות הבוקר ושעות הערב-מה שנותן לבנות גמישות בסדר היום.

כעת אנו עומדים על 100% נוכחות של הבנות! המורות מלמדות אותן באמצעות זום, הבנות מקבלות מטלות, אפשרות ליצירת קשר טלפוני לשאלות ומעכב לאורך כל היום.

נוסף לקשר הלימודי הצוות ער למצב הנפשי והרגשי של הבנות, לא קל לכלוא ציפורי דרור בתוך כלוב… הבנות מקבלות מענה , משוב, תמיכה אוזן קשבת ולב מבין ומכיל.

אז מי אמר שאפשר ללמוד ולהיבנות רק עם עט מחברת וצילצול?

——

 “חנוך לנער על פי דרכו גם כי יזקין לא יסור ממנו“

(משלי כב, ו)

המראה החיצוני וההשקעה ביופי החיצוני, זהו נושא שעומד בראש סדר העדיפויות של הבנות בשלב הנוכחי, אז אם זה כבר בראש- למה שלא יגיע ליד והן תרכושנה מזה תכלס מקצוע?!

קבוצה של 22 בנות כבר בעיצומן של לימודים אינטנסיביים ומעמיקים, עיונים לצד מעשיים במתכונת של 5 יחידות לבגרות, בתחום זה- “טיפוח החן”,

הלימודים נעשים בסטודיו חדשני ומאובזר, כאשר לכל בת ציוד אישי ועשיר הנותן לה לימוד עם התנסות מעשית חוויתית. הבת לומדת ומתנסה בעיצוב השיער, בתספורות ובאיפור. בנוסף היא מקבלת הכוונה ביזמות עיסקית ופרסום.

מגמת “טיפוח החן” מאפשרת לבנות לחוות הצלחה, ומחברת אותן להווי בית הספר והלימודים, כמו גשר המחבר אותן לשאר התכנים המועברים אליהן בדרך ישירה ועקיפה.

בנוסף אין ספק ש”טיפוח החן”, כמו כל מקצוע אומנותי, משמש כתרפיה , תהליך רפוי והעצמה לבנות שמרגשיות לא בנח עם המראה החיצוני שלהן, מוסיף להן טעם וצבע לאישיות.

וכמובן המטרה העיקרית שעומדת מול הבנות: קניית מקצוע לחיים שכבר הן יכולות להשתמש איתו , להרוויח ולהתפרנס בכבוד.עם חדוות יצירה וסיפוק עצמי, הבא להן בכייף.

מספיק לראות את הברק של הבנות, כשהן מסיימות לעצב שיער של בובה, או לאפר אותה, כדי להבין כמה הסיפוק הזה הכרחי, ובונה להן את הנפש.

——

כולם רוצים להיות על ראש ההר, אבל כל הכיף והסיפוק מגיע דווקא מלטפס עליו.

(אנדי רוני)

ומתוך ההבנה הזו פתחנו בפרויקט הכשרה להורים למשפחות עם ילדים מתמודדים.

הנקרא- “מנט-הורים”- נהפוך את ההורים למנטורים בעצמם.

אם הילד חוזר סהרורי ומבולבל לאחר שוטטות בלילה- ומתקבל ע”י הורים שיודעים להגיד את המילה הנכונה- ויותר מכך יודעים מה לא להגיד- הרי הוא מקבל את הקרקע הטובה ביותר לצמיחה מחודשת.

בחודש האחרון ישנם 20 הורים המשתתפים בפרויקט ומגיעים מידי שבוע לשיעור העשרה והכוונה, אנחנו יודעים שתוצאות לא נראה באופן מיידי, כי התהליך עצמו הוא ארוך הבנוי נדבך ע”ג נדבך, לא ביום אחד נבנתה רומא, אך אנו כבר מרגישים על פני השטח את האוירה המכילה שנוצרה בין ההורים, השיח המשותף שתורם רבות והכלים שניתנים להורים המציבים אותם בעמדת כח ולוקחים מהם את חוסר האונים והבילבול שהיה להם עד כה. בעזרת ה’ נשמח לשתף אתכם בתוצאות בהמשך.

הרבה דמעות אפשר היה לחסוך אילו הכירו המבוגרים את הילד.

(יאנוש קורצ’אק)

כידוע, נוער מתמודד מתחיל את שלבי הפזילה כלפי מטה בדר”כ בהילוך איטי, ולא בתהליך חד וקצר.

כשאנחנו נותנים לצוות החינוכי הסטנדרטי את הכלים לאתר את שלב הנביטה הזה- אנחנו מקבלים את ההגנה הטובה ואת האפשרות להגיש עזרה ראשונית לנוער, בקלות, בשלב שהנוער עדיין לא התבצר בעמדתו,  ומתוך רצון ונכונות של הנוער עצמו.

לאחרונה הכשיר הרב אלעזר צור ממרכז תל”ם כ-20 נשות חינוך ממודיעין עלית- לתפקיד הגורלי הזה- של איתור, זיהוי ומניעת נשירה בשלב הראשוני, כשהנוער עדיין נמצא במוסדות חינוך החרדיים הרגילים.

בינתיים מתוך השטח מורות מדווחות על אופקים נוספים שנפתחו להן, הבנה כנה יותר לנוער המתמודד והעיקר כלים פרקטים ומעשיים איך לגשת בשלב מקדים, מהיכן להתחיל וב”ה להציל עוד נשמות לפני מדרון.

“חינוך הוא הנשק החזק ביותר שניתן להשתמש בו כדי לשנות את העולם”

(נלסון מנדלה)

המפגש היה מרתק!

צוות מרכז תל”ם סקר לפני החברים את כל תוכניות תל”ם באופן מפורט.

סוכם על שיתופי פעולה בין האירגונים במישורים שונים.

חברי האירגונים שמחו על ההזדמנות להחשף לעשיה הייחודית והרחבה של תלם.

“M” arrived on our doorstep at the age 14. Today she is 19, studying for her bachelor’s degree, and getting married next month! Life wasn’t ever easy for “M” and it took a lot of hard work and support to reach these milestones. Here is her story: M grew up in a religious though dysfunctional home, where screaming parents were the least of her problems. Her father got involved with drugs which led to various types of abuse. This young teenager was forced to leave her home in order to survive and as a result explored various lifestyles in her search of self, love and life itself. While living in the streets she was the victim of a serious violent crime and was rescued by our outreach workers. It took years until she came to trust adults in general and men in particular. We arranged for her medical care and follow up as well as serious therapy for her mental health. Very slowly she began to open up. She moved from the corner of the youth center to a chair next to another girl; she began to interact with peers; on occasion we even caught a passing smile cross her lips! With time she began attending classes – first one on one and then in small groups. Our counselors continuously encouraged her, and learned when to gently push and when to give her the space she needed to internalize new realities. We celebrated together when she completed her last bagrut exam and finally earned a high school matriculation diploma; we celebrated her acceptance to university; we celebrated her engagement and we now look forward to celebrating her wedding! But before all of this, we celebrated her attending our evening youth activities; we celebrated her physical attendance at classes even when her thoughts were clearly somewhere else; we celebrated her initiating a conversation with a guidance counselor; we celebrated her following through on tasks; we celebrated her return to a religious lifestyle – we celebrated so many seemingly minor steps that go unnoticed in most cases because we knew that celebration was critical to healing and that ultimately it was precisely these baby steps that would enable M to become a healthy adult! And now we look forward to a life full of reasons to celebrate with M!

Telem runs two high schools, three youth centers, emergency housing and a post-high school “Leaving for Life” program. As a result, there are dozens and dozens of professionals working in different places and at different times. In order to successfully continue with our multi-faceted integrated programming, it is essential that our staff at the very least have an understanding of the full range of available services and preferably have a relationship with staff working in our different settings. In this way there is an easy flow of referrals, follow-up etc.

On motzaei Shabbat Jan. 21^st, Telem brought its staff together for a melave malka. Continuing with the concept of being a multi-purpose agency, Telem maximized this evening and incorporated educational, spiritual and social elements, of course with delicious and attractively prepared food befitting a melave malka!

We began with “Voices from the Field” where representatives from each program gave a short presentation on what goes on in their specific program, new developments, recent accomplishments and one story that highlighted their work. Throughout this part of the program one could hear quiet expressions such as, “That’s great to know!” “I’m so glad I have somewhere to refer one of my students!” “I really need to speak to her later to discuss this in depth!” Needless to say, the stories were extremely moving and certainly brought the points home!

Part two of the evening was professional development. As we know, if you don’t move ahead, you move backwards for standing still is in essence backsliding. Dr. Flora Mor, author of the book Seeing the Children: A Guidebook to Creating a Nurturing-Educational Environment for Students at-Risk, psychotherapist and director of the area responsible for developing educational programs for at-risk populations within the educational system for Ashalim under the auspices of the Joint Distribution Committee of Israel, presented a workshop on effective approaches to dealing with our population across inter-disciplinary lines. She was so personable and approachable that the questions and comments began almost immediately! The case study she presented and the interventions we analyzed together were fascinating and certainly helped our staff to reflect on their practices as well as consider potential additional approaches to their work.

Although the hour was already quite late, no Telem program is complete without some inspiring words of Torah. Rabbi Dvir kicked off this part of the evening with a few words that made the parsha relevant to our work and introduced Rav Yisrael Ganz, one of Jerusalem’s leading poskim and a Rosh Yeshiva in Kol Torah, who came out specially to offer his words of wisdom together with a bracha for our continued success.

In this case, our staff truly left with “צידה לדרך”  – food for the trip home. We were satiated on a physical, spiritual and intellectual level. Having been re-energized, we again felt ready to face our daily professional challenges armed with new enthusiasm, tools and confidence that we are in fact helping Hashem to make the world a better place and educating each girl according to her specific needs!

The Telem High School for Music and Arts was established in 2006 as an option for girls at risk in the Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox sectors who could not find their place in the mainstream educational system. The alternative media of music and the arts enables our students to understand, express and ultimately build up their inner selves. We have been blessed with tremendous success in so many ways! In a concrete example of the words of Rav Nachman “If you believe it can be broken, then know that it can also be fixed,” our students undertook a special ceramics project. Using hammers, they broke different pieces of ceramic tiles and then rearranged them to form decorative rings which were used to frame the numbers 1- 10. An additional 40 decorative ceramic circles were also created. This project began in the spring and continued throughout the summer under the warm and professional guidance of our art instructors and Mrs. Dvir, herself a talented artist and educator. With the cooperation of the municipal authorities, the concrete in the park closest to our high school was broken out and removed to allow these circles to be embedded into the space, thereby creating a hop-scotch type play area for the local youths. As one of our students commented, “This work tells our story. We were broken and now we are rebuilding ourselves and becoming beautiful again!” On February 7th, members of the Common Sense family foundation joined us in this visit to the park. Together we then spent the morning meeting the students and staff of the High School for Music and Art and experienced the program first hand. After being guided through the classrooms by the staff who professionally and eagerly responded to the many questions about the education, support, materials and program of the school, we were escorted into the “hangout space.” Since the school serves as a second and in many cases only real home for these students, there is also a “living room” type space in which to “hang.” Here we were treated to food for the body and soul. Homemade soup was served and students in the music major performed both in groups and as soloists. It was truly heartwarming to observe the principal who took the time to accompany the group throughout the morning. She so clearly knew each student and her sensitive approach to them helped us to understand why this school is so successful! While their talent was impressive, their choices in music revealed much more. They sang about being stranded on the streets searching for a safe haven and begging Hashem to bring them home; they sang about the darkness of despair with a hope for a brighter tomorrow; they read poetry that reflected their internal reality, and finally they presented our guests with two magnificent paintings they had done that captured the interplay of music in their lives. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room! We invite all of our friends to let us know when you will be in Israel next. We’d be happy to invite you to one of our programs so that you too can live the Telem experience!

The wedding that took place recently in Mitzpei Yericho seemed pretty much like any other chareidi chasenah. The dancing separated by a mechitzah, the modest clothing, the rabbonim offering their brachos … everything one sees at our simchas. And yet, if you looked really closely, you may have spotted the young lady off in a corner with multiple piercings and a shorter skirt; the young man in jeans and no jacket, the youth sitting outside the hall smoking. For this was anything but a typical wedding!

R and B started out their lives in the usual way. The Kallah was born to an American chareidi family blessed with many children. She they went through the Beis Yaakov system in Jerusalem until they could no longer tolerate her disrespect.

With no religious school willing to accept her, at the age of 14, R found herself alone in the world. Her school banished her; her parents blamed her for her inappropriate behavior and the negative affect she was having on the family and home. The only place that welcomed her with open arms were the streets, and so she began a downward spiral into a totally secular lifestyle, drugs alcohol and worse, living on the streets of Jerusalem. At the time, she was a 14-year-old child!

The outreach workers of Merkaz Telem managed to bring her into their youth center in the center of town to begin a very long and arduous process of rehabilitation. There were many lapses along the way but the turning point came when she saw her 15-year-old friend taken away in an ambulance from an overdose and she screamed: “I don’t want to die.” The staff of Merkaz Telem got her into a rehab program which she completed successfully and then integrated her into Olamot – their high school for music and art.

Through this process, she learned to share and deal with her feelings. In fact, at age 18 she ran small self-help groups of this sort at the high school for other girls like herself. As a reward for her hard work and consistent attendance, she was entitled to a gift, and she chose a trip to Uman.

She returned from this experience “on fire.” But that too is dangerous, and so the staff continued working with her to find balance in her life. Baruch Hashem, she finally reached a stable point, completed her high school degree and was ready, with support, to begin a frum, adult life.

R was introduced to B, a young man who had also overcome many challenges in his youth. Together we were zoche to dance at their chasenah last month! As one of the guests commented, “I have never experienced such simcha without alcohol!” While their wedding looked like any other simcha we would attend, it was anything but!

There are more chareidi than dati leumi or secular dropouts!

Just last week the Central Bureau of Statistics released its findings that the national drop- out rate for boys and girls from chareidi educational institutions between grades 7-12 is 3% higher than that of either the secular or dati leumi educational institutions of the country and climbing. This represents thousands of our children! Additional research has shown that the two largest sub-groups in these categories are children of parents who made aliyah or those whose parents are baalei teshuvah.

Merkaz Telem was established in 2006 to work with at-risks girls from chareidi backgrounds. They run two high schools, three youth centers, and emergency housing for the girls who have nowhere else to go. Through Telem’s various programs, these girls go on to earn high school matriculation diplomas and then receive vocational and life skills training in order to function in the adult world as healthy, frum Jewish women. This organization works very hard to maintain girls in their normative religious settings and prevent dropping out. However, when this is no longer possible, they step in so that these young ladies can access the multiple services they need so that they can learn to once again trust adults, trust the system and believe in themselves. A skilled and committed inter-disciplinary team of professionals accompanies these girls as they advance from stage to stage and serve as a constant in their lives for as long as needed.

Merkaz Telem serves hundreds of at risk girls aged 12-22 from chareidi families annually.

Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein recently paid a visit to the Telem programs in Israel. As a result of this visit, he is currently exploring with Rabbi Dvir, the director of Merkaz Telem, ways of expanding the existing program and developing new ones to meet the needs of at-risk American girls living in Israel.

(YWN – Israel Desk, Jerusalem)